


Just Keep Swimming.

by springburn



Series: The Thick of It mini-fics [23]
Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fear, Love, Marriage, Tenderness, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 05:22:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4653924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springburn/pseuds/springburn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malcolm casually mentions something in passing, that surprises Sam, she decides to do something about it......</p><p> </p><p>The song 'Time After Time' sung by Eva Cassidy (and Cyndi Lauper) was playing when I started this, and it's very appropriate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Keep Swimming.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an excellent prompt from songtothesirenposts .........."This focusses on moving the trust issue forward because after breakdown, kids and five years together the man has GOT to move forward, he is too intelligent not to develop emotionally.  
> So - it's learn to swim time for the kids and Malcolm, because it turns out he can't. Throwing in a frightening experience when learning to swim as a kid that put him off. So who's he going to trust most when the time comes to teach the kids - got to be Mrs Malcolm. "  
> I've wanted to move Malcolm's character forwards for some time, he, at some point, has to believe in his relationship with his wife, and this was the perfect opportunity.  
> It also draws on my mother's experience, and so, in some form, is a true depiction......

JUST KEEP SWIMMING. 

 

It just popped up in normal conversation.  
Casually mentioned.  
Sam was completely astonished.  
"It's wee Jamie's swimming gala tomorrow, are you coming Malcolm?"  
"Sure. It's after school isn't it? I'm meeting Glenn for lunch. Haven't seen him for a while. I'll be back in plenty of time."  
"It's just a bit of fun really, but he'd love it if you were there."  
Malcolm continued thoughtfully peeling his satsuma.  
"Wish I could swim."  
He'd come out with it.  
Just like that.  
Wasn't even thinking.  
Sam raised her eyebrows and looked at him askance.  
"You can't swim?"  
"Nope. Nearly drowned once, in the local baths, as a kid. Put me off."  
Sam considered.  
They'd been to Disney world, Florida.......he'd been in the water with the kids.....  
But no.......he hadn't.  
Not really.  
He paddled, he splashed, he sat on the edge, but the water never came up much beyond his knees.  
While she went in to swim herself, he watched the children.  
She hadn't thought about it.  
Five years married, and still she was learning about her man all the time. 

Then, it came to her......the germ of an idea......a seed, once sown, that needed to grow.  
"I could teach you."  
He looked up at her sharply.  
"Oh no you fucking don't! Samantha Tucker. Don't you even fucking go there."  
"Why not? You're never too old to learn something new."  
"You stop right there! If you think you're taking me down the local baths to make a complete prick of myself, sploshing around in front of a load of kids, wearing orange day-glo arm bands, with a polystyrene float, you can get it out of your fucking head, right now. I'm not fucking doing it."  
"Actually, I wasn't thinking that at all."  
"Fucking good job."  
"I was thinking I could ask Ellie's sister, Susan, if we could use her pool."  
"Fuck me! No......Sam......just.......NO!"  
"Susan and James live in a converted barn. It has an indoor pool. It has a deep end, but you'd still be able to stand up in it. It would be private, no one to watch you. It'd be fun. You might even enjoy it."  
Malcolm groaned.  
It unnerved him when she embarked on one of her schemes........they always involved him, doing something he really didn't want to do, and didn't have a good excuse to get out of.  
Always doomed right from the start.  
He'd cave in.  
He always fucking did.  
Shit!  
Well, not this time.

 

Sam had no idea just how much Malcolm abhorred the water.  
Actually he hated the sea most, far more than a swimming pool.  
The sea was tricky and unpredictable, it sent waves that tried to catch you off guard.  
It tasted fucking awful if it went up your nose or in your mouth.  
Rocks were placed strategically to stub your toe or razor sharp shells to lacerate your feet.  
It harboured nasty bitey, stingy things to take you unawares.  
Lulled into thinking you were well within your depth, it would suddenly shelve away and under you would go, floundering.  
Fucking scary place, the sea.  
In a pool at least the bottom was visible......but what was in it?  
Ah! There was a question!  
All sorts of nasty chemicals, that dried and wrinkled your skin and made you look like you needed ironing.  
Other people's piss.  
That was a given.  
Swimming around in someone else's urine.  
No thanks.  
Then, there was always that show off cunt, the one who liked to splash about a lot, or dive in, practically on top of you, so you got chlorine in your eyes, which made them sting like fuck.  
Nope.  
No way.  
Not doing it......

oOo

.....Malcolm emerged from the changing room.  
In checked swim shorts......and flip flops.  
Sam turned away to hide her grin.  
He just looked so.......so.......adorable!  
Skinny arms folded across himself defensively.  
Whip thin. Nothing of him.  
Except his thighs.  
Muscular thighs, like a cyclist.  
He frowned when he saw her smirk.  
"Fucking what?"  
"Nothing. You look.......just......"  
"Pathetic?"  
"No! I was going to say......appealing. All self conscious and awkward."  
Those attack eyebrows knitted together, into a scowl.  
"I can just go and get dressed again, if you're gonna take the piss."  
"Malcolm, I'm not taking the piss. But you don't need to look so........threatened.  
Nothing is going to happen to you. You'll be fine. I'll make sure you're safe. Okay?"  
She could see the fear......smell it almost.  
It was being afraid that made the great Malcolm Tucker swear and bluster and bully.  
That was his way.  
His defence mechanism.  
It was how he dealt with it, trying to gloss over it, behind a wall of expletives and extravagant gestures.  
All to hide that insecurity, that vulnerability.  
This was going to be quite a challenge. 

oOo

The pool had a lovely stepped gradient at the shallow end.  
Sam held out her hand to her husband and walked down the first few steps.  
He followed.  
Once the water was at mid thigh level he stopped.  
Frozen.  
Unable to continue.  
Sam recalled the day at the Disney Water Park.  
He'd never gone in further than this on that occasion, he'd splashed about, played with the children.....somehow he'd managed to hide it, she'd had no inkling, he'd covered it up so cleverly..........but how?  
Then it occurred to her.  
He trusted them.  
He trusted them because they were innocents.  
They wanted nothing from him other than his love.  
It was unconditional......no tricks, nothing unsaid, no falsehoods......they weren't programmed to take and not give, they gave freely, honestly and with open hearts.  
His children were sure of him, completely genuine, so he could be sure of them.  
Totally.  
He didn't have to try, didn't have to be anything he wasn't, for them, they had no hidden agenda, they'd not learned the deceitful ways of adults.  
No lies, nor cheating, they weren't nasty or manipulative, they were just themselves, so he could be himself too.  
It enabled him to relax, and when he relaxed, he wasn't afraid, wasn't straining every sinew to be what he thought they wanted.  
He could switch off the pretence. Let it all go. Be lost in the moment.  
Just a Dad......playing in the water.......with his children.  
Comfortable, at ease.  
Safe.  
Even in a situation he wasn't normally at home in. 

Reassurance.  
That was Malcolm's main requirement.  
That and safety were his two fundamental essentials.  
Sam knew this better than anyone alive.  
She constantly strove to give him that which he craved.  
He described himself as needy.  
Thought he was weak, never passing muster, never good enough.  
She knew different, he just wanted to feel safe, to be secure, that was his daily struggle.  
So long now, that he knew nothing else, no other way to act.  
Time taken to build up his self worth, could be wiped out in moments, if something went wrong, and he would be back to square one again, insecure, questioning, afraid, and very vulnerable.  
The swearing, blustering, bully would return, lashing out, like a cornered animal.  
Papering over the cracks.  
So complicated.  
But so worth the time and effort.  
"Malcolm, we're not going to do anything mind blowing today, okay? This is just the start, and I want to be sure you're comfortable. So there's no need to be nervous. I'm going to be right here, all the time, okay?"  
He nodded.  
Eyes darting around him at the rippling water, then up to her face.  
A toothy smile. His fear face.  
"You're going no deeper than this, alright? Mid thigh. That's it."  
He nodded again. Puffed out his cheeks.  
Scooping water into her cupped hands Sam began to let it trickle over him, he shivered involuntarily, sucking in his tummy.  
Her hands were on him then, a little ritual, forearms, chest, back, shoulders, touching him soothingly all over as she wetted him.  
Standing, inert, hands by his sides, watching her intently.  
Curious as to what she'd do next.  
He was petrified, even though she promised.....nothing big.

She promised.

She sat down on the fourth step, and made for him to sit down beside her.  
He seemed relieved.  
She wasn't making him go deeper.  
"Malcolm, sit yourself on the step below me."  
His eyes widened.  
What was she going to do?  
Placing her legs either side of him, she put her arms around him, under his armpits, and clasped her hands across his chest.  
His breathing grew rapid as panic set in.  
"Relax, Malcolm. I've got you. You're fine. Lean back against me."  
His arms gripped hers, feet scrabbling for purchase.  
Body stiff as a board, unbending.  
"Bend your knees and put your feet flat, on the bottom. Just lean into me. Take your time."  
"Fuck! Fuck, Sam, you've got me yeah? You won't let go?"  
"Malcolm....I will not let you go. I promise you. I'm holding you tight. You will not go under. I won't let you. Just lean against my body, so you're lying back a little, and bend in the middle, so that your feet aren't slipping. You're so stiff......let yourself relax."  
"Fuck! Bollocks! I'm trying. I am."  
His hands were clutching at her, trying to find a place to grip on.  
"The water is barely up to your chest, you can stand up at any time, it'll only reach just above your knee, if you do. No deeper. Not today. Keep your backside on the step, so that you're sitting, but you can rest against me. That's it! You're doing it....great."  
"Don't let me go for fucks sake. So I slide down."  
"I won't, Malcolm. I won't. We're just going to sit here. Like this. That's it. Nothing else.  
Until you feel more comfortable. Now breathe slowly, rest your head against me, close your eyes if it helps."  
He concentrated so hard. He really did.  
"Next time we'll try something different. Okay? I needed to gauge your level of confidence. Let's get out now. You've had enough."  
"Well, now you know. I'm at sissy level."  
"No. You're at 'I had a really frightening experience, that left its mark' level. There's no shame in that."  
She helped him up, handed him a towel.  
Smiled at him, put her arms around his middle.  
"So proud of you."  
"Fuck. Thank god that's over."  
"Next time it'll be easier."  
"I fucking hope so!"

oOo

The following days, they were back for more.  
Sam had him in the water up to his waist this time.  
"Today, you're going to duck your head under."  
"What? No! Fuck! I can't."  
"Hush! Listen to me. Stay calm, I'm not going to drown you, nor am I going to push you under. We do it slowly, we do it gradually, until you can submerge yourself without me holding you....and before you protest....that won't be for a while, alright!"  
Gently she dowsed his top half before they began, just as she had on all the previous days.  
There was something comforting about her hands on him.  
He liked it.  
Taking her time, fussing over him. Took the edge off.  
She stood facing him and stretched her arms out in front of her, towards him.  
"Now, I want you to put your arms along mine, rest your hands on my shoulders."  
Malcolm obeyed, his eyes never leaving hers.  
"Start to bend at the knees and lower yourself down, I'll do the same. Keep hold of me, okay!"  
"Don't worry I'm not letting you go!"  
"If it gets too much, just rise back up again, we're just aiming to get your shoulders under the water. No more than that for now."  
Amazingly he managed it first time.  
Rigid, but nevertheless, allowing the water to lap almost to his neck.  
He held her in a death grip.  
"Malcolm, relax your hold just a little, you're hurting me."  
"Fuck! Oh fuck, I'm so sorry." .....he immediately stood up.  
They began again, after she'd given him a little reassuring cuddle.  
"Down we go. Facing me. I've got you. We're going to lower our heads under, you can hold your nose if you want to and keep your eyes closed. Only for a few seconds, then come up again. Just take a breath."  
"Have you got me? Sam. Are you here?"  
Her fingers tightened around the tops of his arms, as he held her shoulders once more.  
"I'm here.......Malcolm......do you trust me?"  
"I......fuck.......I........yeah. I trust you. Shit......I don't think I can do........."  
"Take a breath, close your mouth, go down.....just for a few seconds. Ready?"  
As he lowered himself, his childhood memories seeped into his mind. Flooding every pore.  
The rush of the water in his ears, the muffled sounds from above, water up his nose, in his mouth, opening it to cry out, only for it to fill with the taste of the chlorine.  
He surfaced, coughing, heaving, taking great sucking breaths, arms flailing like a demented Jack-in-the-box.  
Sam had him, as his feet slid out from under him.  
"No! no! Fuck.....Sam......grab me, I'm going......shit, shit."  
She held him firm. His hand found hers, desperately clutching, he was afraid he'd pull her under too, but that didn't stop him.....he'd have half drowned her trying to save himself, and he was only waist deep.  
"Easy! Easy! Malcolm.......you're fine.....you're okay. Look, I've got you still. I didn't let you go."  
Sam drew him to her, and he clung there, wet and shivering.  
"You want to leave it for today? Or you want to try again? I'm not going to push you, we go at your pace."  
"You're so patient.....and I'm such a fucking clown. I'm gonna do this. I have to."  
He did.  
He stayed submerged for five seconds.  
They repeated the exercise, gradually, very gradually, with Sam's praise and encouragement, he could stay down, even blowing air out through his mouth.  
The real breakthrough came when he opened his eyes, for the first time, in the shimmering clarity of the water, he could see Sam's body indistinct in front of him, beautiful in her red bikini.  
It was a cathartic moment. 

oOo

Being able to put his face under and not panic was huge for Malcolm, and his trust in Sam skyrocketed.  
She would keep him safe, make sure he was okay.  
Yes, he could trust her.  
He did.  
By the end of the following session he was ready to move on.  
The next step to be conquered was floating.  
To tackle this hurdle, Sam had him holding the rail at the side, with her beside him, her hands under his body, to lift him up.  
"Put your face into the water, and relax your legs. Straighten yourself up, Malcolm, you are bent double!"  
After half an hour Sam had her husband, face down, feet extended, and was drawing him gently through the water by his arms.  
Very subtly she was showing him his own natural buoyancy.  
That he would not sink.  
Bringing his legs up had been a monumental obstacle......actually taking his feet off the bottom.....releasing his hold on terra firma, however tenuous, was quite terrifying.  
But he'd done it.  
A small triumph which earned him soft kisses.  
The reward had gone completely to his head, he proceeded to lose his balance, and duck himself.  
He rose up, spluttering, grabbing her hand to steady himself, but at least not in instant drowning mode, as he may once have been.  
It was another breakthrough. 

oOo

It was a month or so later that the Tucker family all went swimming together, for the first time ever.  
Wee Jamie could already swim like a fish.  
"It's like watching 'Finding Nemo'!" Malcolm observed to his wife, as he looked on from the sidelines.  
Robbie and Grace both wore arm bands, but were supremely confident.  
"Come in with us Daddy.....come and swim." They cried gleefully.  
This was it.  
His biggest test.  
She gave his hand a little squeeze of encouragement.  
"You can do this."  
"Now....no splashing boys......let Daddy get in." She warned.  
Sam descended the ladder, and let Malcolm follow her, just so he had her close.  
He liked her close..... 

 

......Malcolm Tucker had learned, in the last two months, to trust his wife more than he had at any time in the previous five years.  
Something had changed.  
She noticed it distinctly.  
That first evening, after he'd experienced those initial tentative few seconds under the water.  
Pinpointed it exactly.  
Curled in bed, snuggled up, spooning her, as he loved to do.  
He was hard......pressed against her, she could feel his breath against the back of her neck.  
"Sam?"  
"Mmmm?"  
"You'd really got me in the pool today. Hadn't you? Wouldn't have let me go."  
"Of course not, Malcolm. I promised. I never say things I don't mean. Ever."  
"No! No, you don't. I don't think I've ever known anyone else quite like that. Not in my whole life.  
I've been lied to so often. But not by you. Never by you."  
"I don't like lies Malcolm. Lies breed like a canker. They eat away at your soul. I have to be honest. Say what I feel. I have to trust. I can't live any other way."  
"You love me. Don't you Sam? You really do?"  
"Yes, Malcolm. I really do."  
"I think I know it now. I'm sure I know it."  
Sam turned over, to face him, inches away, her astonishment at hearing these words from his own mouth, deeply affected her.  
Her lips touched his.  
"You believe it now?"  
Tears began to leak from her eyes and course down her cheeks.  
"Yes! I belong to you. You've got me......completely. I'm yours."  
"Oh! Malcolm!"  
"Hey........you're crying. Why are you crying? Have I made you cry? Oh God! .....Sam.....please, please, don't cry. Shit, shit.....what have I done?"  
He was smothering her with kisses, tugging her close to him.  
"You've just made me more happy than at any time since we married." She sobbed.  
"God! I bloody love you Malcolm Tucker.......you stupid bugger......I just bloody love you to bits. Now kiss me again and make love to me because I want you so badly, I think I'm going to scream!"............

..........Turning at the bottom of the step ladder, Malcolm moved away from the side, and launched himself.  
It was not particularly pretty......Ian Thorpe he wasn't......still a little tentative, head too high out of the water, but he swam a whole width of breast stroke.  
Reaching the opposite side, he stood up......holding both arms aloft, in silent celebration.  
He did it.  
Sam beamed, so proud of him.  
He was proud of himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you songtothesirenposts for the prompt. It has been a joy to write.


End file.
